Confessions of Past Indiscretions
Two significant events from my past have been weighing on my mind, prompting me to contemplate whether I should disclose them to my spouse and/or seek guidance from my pastor. Reflecting back, many years ago, my wife confided in me about a one-night stand she had with a male friend of ours. She revealed this to me a couple of months after it occurred, overwhelmed by guilt. She expressed deep regret, emphasizing that she resisted further encounters and felt remorse the moment the incident unfolded. In response, I, being understanding, acknowledged my own neglect due to the demands of starting a new business. We discussed the underlying reasons for her actions, and I chose to forgive and move forward. Fast forward 50 years, we remain happily together.
However, a lingering sense of owing her one led me to my own transgression. I engaged in a physical relationship with a customer on three occasions. Following this, I ended the affair and opted to keep this secret. My wife has always battled insecurities, especially regarding our relationships. I am hesitant to cause her any pain, believing that disclosing this would inflict lasting damage on our marriage.
The second indiscretion involves a period during which I embezzled a sum of money from my employer over two years. This illicit act involved receiving kickbacks from a vendor who inflated invoices, with me receiving a share of the excess amount. Financial pressures, coupled with a desire to match the affluent community’s lifestyle, and the financial strain of putting our children through college, led me down this regrettable path. While I acknowledge the absence of justification for my actions, I convinced myself that stealing from the company differed from defrauding individuals or a place of worship.
Despite being a devout individual with a close bond to our pastor, I find myself reluctant to divulge these transgressions to him. I grapple with the burden of guilt but wonder if I should continue bearing it.
Response from the Ethicist:
You recount a complex narrative of past actions and their repercussions. Your wife’s infidelity, driven partly by your neglect, led to a confession and subsequent forgiveness. In response, you engaged in infidelity as a form of retribution, choosing to conceal this from your wife. Additionally, your involvement in embezzlement stemmed from financial strains and societal pressures, rationalized by the unethical practices within the company.
While your perspective on these events differs from conventional ethical norms, it is evident that revealing the long-past infidelity to your wife may cause unnecessary turmoil in your present relationship. Honesty is crucial in any partnership, but certain truths may have a detrimental impact despite your subsequent faithfulness.
